You're a What!
by L-chan the Great
Summary: Finally freed of the handcuffs, Light gets a shock when L comes in to give him surprising news.  Rated for slight foul language at the end, but not too much.  Enjoy


**So, this just came to me one day while I was talking about yaoi with my friend. I'm not so much a yaoi fangirl (although certain gay couples I like) while my friend is. That's all I'm saying for that, but this story can be AU, OOC, or not, but it actually doesn't really matter. It was originally in script format, so I took some work getting it into a proper story. Anyway, enjoy!**

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><p>Light was lounging on the couch, his head resting against the cushions and his feet hanging idly over the armrest when L shuffled in. He briefly looked up at the other boy before returning to the newspaper he was reading. It had been a month since L removed the handcuffs linking the two together, and Light was enjoying his freedom by the exciting activity of catching up on global events. With only a vague sound that may have been a greeting, he ignored the detective completely.<p>

L—who may be Light's boyfriend (they were still iffy about the details, being forced into each others' company anyway)—was not in the mood to be brushed off. Ever since they separated, Light spent all his time forgetting about L's existence, and it pissed him off, especially since he was so nervous about what he had to tell Light.

"Erm, Light? Can I tell you something? It's really important," L said tentatively.

Light seemed only vaguely interested in what L had to say. "Yeah, what is it?" There was the rustling sound of paper as he turned to the next page of the newspaper, his eyes darting over the printed lines as the words sunk into his mind. Normally, L would have flushed in indignation at being brushed off, but the anxiety gnawing at the walls of his stomach distracted him.

He chewed his thumb—the habit that indicated his thoughtfulness or nerves—and shifted his weight. "Umm, well…" His voice trailed away. Light noticed L was acting strange, even in his half-absent state of mind.

With a sudden realization, Light jolted to his feet. He crossed the room and grabbed L by the shoulders. Shaking his (maybe) boyfriend slightly, he asked, "You got AIDS?"

L blushed slightly at the volume Light was using. "What are you saying? Of course not!" he said quickly.

An awkward moment passed between the lovers, until Light realized the full extent of his mistake. He quickly snatched his hands away and attempted to act cool as he returned to the couch. L scrutinized him suspiciously. "Do you have something to tell me, Light?" he asked.

"No!" Light said all too quickly.

Another silence passed between them—L watching Light in disbelief and the latter pretending not to be flustered by his own outburst. Light coughed to fill the uncomfortable silence. With a sigh, L decided to drop the subject for the time being.

"Anyway, I'm, um, well, I'm pregnant," L said, the blush creeping across his face.

Light once again leapt to his feet. "What? How?" He wasn't sure if he was more disturbed by the news or by the knowledge that somehow, Light had gotten a boy pregnant.

L gave him an innocent look. "Well, you see, when a boy and a girl share the same bed—" he began.

Light quickly cut him off, wanting to be saved the sex talk. He knew enough about sex. "That's not what I meant! I thought you were a boy!" he said.

Indigence contorted L's features. "Obviously not! How do you think I would have girl parts if I was a boy?" L lectured briefly.

Now Light was unable to hide his complete and utter embarrassment. "Oh, um, a sex change?" he offered.

L glared daggers into his (her?) lover's head. "No, I'm a girl, Light!" he (she?) said heatedly.

Another silence passed between them. Light could feel the tension growing by the second, and quickly tried to displace it by continuing the conversation. "But, you don't have any… You know…" Light looked down so L couldn't see his face painted red as he gestured toward the chest area, too embarrassed to say what he meant.

L stamped her foot. "That's because just a couple years ago I had cancer!" she almost yelled. That would explain the bags under her eyes, which were just too deep for the "insomnia" she supposedly had (and Light knew from months of sharing a bed that L definitely had normal sleeping patterns). Chemotherapy did that to a person (although Light had no idea how L had accumulated so much hair in a couple years).

"Oh," was all he could say in response.

Yet another silence followed, as Light mulled the implications of L's gender in his mind. The more he thought about it, the more favorable the position seemed.

"So, this means…" Light began.

L beamed, a look of warmth spreading across her features for the first time that afternoon. She caressed her stomach softly. The thought of motherhood (even with a Kira suspect, who she was sure was the mass murderer either way) was an appealing one to her. "Yep," she said brightly.

A grin spread across his features. He leapt into the air and did a fist pump. "YES! I'm straight! In you FACE, yaoi fangirls!" He proceeded to do a victory dance.

L looked stunned at his improper reaction. "Well, actually, you're going to be a father," she said, venom building up in her tone.

Light brushed her statement off. "Oh yeah, well, that's nice, too," he said, although his voice was completely void of any concern whatsoever to his unborn child.

L looked as if she was about to leap across the room and strangle the father of her baby. "You're a douche, Light!"

Light rolled his eyes. "Well, duh, I'm a freaking serial killer who justifies his psychotic actions by saying he'll create a utopian society by killing criminals and anyone who tries to stop me. How does that _not _scream douche?"

There was a click, and Light suddenly found he was staring into the barrel of a gun. "I'll take that as a confession, bastard," L said vehemently.

"Goddamit!" Light slapped himself in the face for his momentary stupidity. He was so happy about not being gay that he'd made a huge mistake, forgetting that L was still the world's number one detective and still hunting down Kira.

And that is how Light was brought to justice. Sometimes, getting pregnant by a total bastard who won't care for you or your child is a good thing, if you get him to admit he's a crazy mass murderer in the process.


End file.
